Tuesday, January 31, 2012

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I am practically speechless.

There you are. Our little Fishy.

We heard your heartbeat. The doctor says you are good sized and attached perfectly.

We are due in September, our anniversary month.

Meaning you were created on the 1st of January.

I cried when I heard your heart beating.

Afterwards we went out for breakfast. We called everyone. I kept touching my stomach. Daddy kept touching my hand.

Is this real?

Yes.

Monday, January 30, 2012

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Playing with color setting on my camera.
Walking around in circles.
Eating an orange.
Peeling another one just to feel the way it separates between my fingers.
Waiting

Sunday, January 29, 2012

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Walking with Daddy in the outdoor mall at Sierra Vista.

I guess this counts as my 'early" since I don't have a "before" photo.

I can't wait to bring you to the outdoor mall and run around with you. That's a wishing well/fountain behind me. Daddy and i both wished for a healthy Fishy!

Yes, Fishy is what we are calling you right now.... we don't have a name and you are pretty Fish-like with your tail and all :0

Saturday, January 28, 2012

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Your cousins Ethan and Max came to visit today.  That's Max looking pensively out the window.

for fun we started throwing around name suggestions.

Apparently, your dad hates all the boy names I can think of. Is it too soon? I won't rest easy until the doctor's appointment.

Friday, January 27, 2012

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Another way to distract oneself: going for walks.

Walking to the nearby Starbucks (for tea) is both good for me, and good for you.

Also, I realized, while buying my tea, that I NEEDED a banana. Now, I normally hate bananas, but you apparently needed one.

First oatmeal, then veggies, and now bananas? Sheesh!

And yes, I like this photo, I like the colors.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

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This week is dragging.

But... we carry on and we distract ourselves.

Today that was by organizing books in the LGBT Community Center's library... including this one.

Yikes!

Let me just say that if you are gay, straight, bi, trans, or just plain queer..... I will love you. no matter what!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

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Doing my part! Eating healthy. I woke up this morning needing veggies! I made this big bowl and then sat down and wolfed 'em down. In one sitting. no breaks for reading or tv watching..... just me, you, and the veggies!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

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The fear.


(Seemed like a good photo for today..... it is foggy outside, very foggy.)

The fear.

Fear of getting one's hopes up
Fear that the loss of the past will be the loss of the present

I took another test. I keep checking to make sure i'm not bleeding.

I go see the doctor next week, until then, it's just Daddy and me in a cocoon of fear and hope and can't concentrate on anything.

Monday, January 23, 2012

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What do you do on the first day of the rest of your life?

I made lists and decided to eat the last of the pizza in preparation of eating super healthy from now on.

So hard to not start shouting from the rooftops.

Because there is the excitement. the thrill.

And, of course, the fear.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

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The test was positive.

The test was POSITIVE.

I took it twice.

POSITIVE.

My hand was shaking so bad when i showed Daddy. We got back into bed and just lay there looking at the ceiling. "Is this real?"

First picture of us as parents.


(With the new camera and the timer function)

We already love you.

Positively!





Saturday, January 21, 2012

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Driving home.
From Gilroy.
Visiting friends (Aunt Kelly)
Talking about the future (bookshop in Gilroy?)

We want to be in our own bed tonight. we want to be in our own bed tomorrow morning.

We take the test tomorrow.


Friday, January 20, 2012

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We were in Santa Cruz today. Daddy needed to do some research at the University.(your daddy is very very smart).

On the way to Santa Cruz we stopped in Los Banos to use the restroom. As we were getting into the car, I thought "Darn, I should have had a smoke while we were stopped, now I have to wait another hour and a half.... "

Here's the thing. I don't smoke.

I have never (regularly) smoked. (Yes, I have inhaled, I have even helped Uncle Mark finish off a cig, but I have never been a smoker.)

So... that was a weird thought to randomly have, right? Right.

Daddy asks, "How late is your period?" I can hear the hope and the excitement in his voice. We have to wait another day to take a test.

Anyway, in Santa Cruz while Daddy is off being all smarty pants, I hung out with Aunt Rachel. We walked in the rain and had lunch, it was lovely.  Eventually we went to bookshop Santa Cruz. Now, I have been trying to find the perfect gift for Daddy for that day (maybe soon) when we find out you are on your way. Aunt Rachel helped me pick out a little UCSC tee shirt, a baby sized one.

The photo is of me and Aunt Rachel right after we bought it.... Is this the first picture of you too?




Breath.


Thursday, January 19, 2012

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Photo with the new camera!



I made cookies!

Snicker-doodles to be exact.

Aunt Robin needed comfort food. I needed something to do to keep my mind busy.

And, yeah, it is just a shot of cookies... but there are layers and levels of shapes.... so, sort of artistic, right? right.

Period still late. I can take a test..... soon....

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

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Ok, yes, this is another photo of olive.

BUT

It is a photo of Olive on the bubble wrap that came around my new camera! (I'm still figuring out how to use it).

The camera, by the way, was also son the Pre-Baby list.  See how ready we are for you? A washing machine and a camera... what else do you need? :P

Yes. my period is still late.


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

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We now own our very own washer and dryer!

We need to get a longer cord for the dryer, Daddy needs to fix the latch on the washer, and there might be a leak...  (they are hand me downs) but still... they are ours!

I'm excited.

Partly because carrying baskets of laundry is no fun, partly because hoarding quarters is no fun, partly because having to take turns with communal machine sis no fun...

... but also because having our own washer and dryer was part of the Pre-Baby stuff we wanted! now if 9when/) you arrive I can wash your cloth diapers a bit easier!


Monday, January 16, 2012

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Now that the Christmas scarf craziness is behind me (I made 26 scarves last year) it is time for a new project.

Maybe a baby blanket?

Or booties?

No! I keep telling myself that my period is just barely late.... and wanting it this badly is just setting myself up for disappointment.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

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Patience is hard.

We moved the furniture. The ugly couch is in the game room (someday nursery?) and the futon from Grandma and Grandpa Lee is in the living room. Also, the curtains are finally all hung up. I love the curtains. I haven't lived in a place with curtains since I lived with my parents. They really pull the room together, make it feel more homey.

A quiet Sunday evening.... trying to be patient and not get too hopeful.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

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Mmmm fried tofu!

This was at a restaurant, but Uncle Eric says he thinks he can make this at home.

I know I need to relax... but my period is late and I couldn't help but think of how much fun you might have stacking the little tofu blocks.

Deep breath.


Friday, January 13, 2012

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Hey!

The nice part about not starting a job yesterday... we got to visit with Aunt Annie and your cousin Noe!



She makes me want to meet you so bad!

When noe was born i got to stay with Aunt Annie for a while and help take care of her. I know that had a pretty big impact on making me realize how badly i wanted to create you.  Now, a year later, we are trying and she is growing up so fast!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

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Ok, today was supposed to be the first day of work.

The photo is of the decalf coffee i drank while I waited for the bus to take me to the first day of work.

but.

Apparently, my blood work is slightly off, i am borderline for the measles and so to take teh job I have to take the MMR vaccine.

Now, you will know this about me later, but I love vaccines. I have no problem with them, i know better than to think they cause autism etc.  BUT, the MMR vax causes miscarriages in early pregnancy and would make it so I couldn't keep trying to have you for several more months.

Daddy and i decided to pass on the MMR vax so that we could keep trying for you (plus, my January period hasn't happened yet, there is a tiny chance you are already here).

This means passing on the job.

I'm bummed.  But I don't want anything to put you or even your very existence at risk.

And, isn't the steam from my coffee pretty/? Yes, let's dwell on that.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

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With the new job starting in just a few days, I have a lot to do at home. today I made lasagna to freeze.

I love making lasagna... it takes forever, seriously, but it is so worth it! And I love that Daddy and our friends love to eat it!


Tuesday, January 10, 2012

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On the bus again.... off to get my TB test and blood draw for that job at Kaiser!
The money will be great, the benefits will be great, the location is pretty good,.....

I can't wait to start working again. it has only been a few weeks but I am so ready!!!! And just think of all the new friends I will make at the new job!

Monday, January 9, 2012

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Oh my Kindle! How do I love thee!
I love being able to get books from the library without leaving the couch!

I hope by the time you come into being we live closer to a less scary library. The one I go to now is a bit... ummm... overrun with angry looking teenagers. The kind with knives and grudges.

I want you to love to read the way I and Daddy do... and i want you to be able to do story time summer reading programs!

So, yes, hopefully we will not have to rely on the Cedar-Clinton branch!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

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Last summer Uncle Patrick and Aunt Stacy gave us a gift card to Red Lobster.
We finally had a chance to use it tonight.

So yummy!



And yes, we are cute and happy. 

Saturday, January 7, 2012

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Yay! An artistic shot! Finally!

This is Daddy using his pin hole camera.

We hung out outside in the sunshine and he and Uncle Eric  practiced.  The thing is, with these sorts of cameras you don't see the photo right away, the film has to be sent off to be developed. So, we don't know if any of their shots came out... but mine sure did!

I can't wait to take hundreds of pictures of you!

Friday, January 6, 2012

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Your mommy wears combat boots.
And, in this case, motorcycle boots.

These boots require two pairs of socks at all times to avoid blisters.

I hope you like walking as much as your Daddy. i walk when I have to, but as a general rule i would ather get my exercise by dancing and swimming. your daddy on the other hand, loves walking and does it a LOT.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

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Uncle Eric and Aunt Robin at the LGBT Community Center.

Having dinner with them is always fun.... Aunt Robin loves to hostess and she always puts out quite a spread. I used to really enjoy the wine that flows so freely at her house, but since we are trying for you, no wine for me!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

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Today's photo:



I promise, they all won't be of Olive.

She looked so comfy on the spot of sunshine though!

We adopted Olive from the Santa Cruz SPCA last August. She was the friendlies cat we interviewed. It makes me feel more like a family now that she is with us.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

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This is not a very good photo of me.

It was cold. I was on my way to an interview, I was about to use my phone's camera to help me put my lipstick on.

Yeah. Anyway.The interview is for a job at Kaiser in the occ med department. I think I did well!

Daddy says i look like an aviator. i think he is trying to make me feel better.

Regardless, it is today's photo!


Monday, January 2, 2012

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Ok.

Why a photo a day? well, i hope that some will be artisitc, some will be silly, some will just be a bit of a reminder of what life was like as we were getting ready for you.

And.... in the event that you don't come right away (or at all) then I will have this record... and i don't know, maybe it will help.

Anyway.  Here is today's shot:

Yep. Daddy and Olive playing.

They are quite a pair.She loves having her belly scratched.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

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Happy New Year Baby to Be!

Today we start a new turn of the wheel... and a new month. We have been trying to create you (we tried again this morning) but while we wait, we continue on.

New Years Resolutions:

1. Take a photo every day
2. Stop biting my nails.
3. Finish first draft of Shina
4. Make new friends (not to replace, just to have more)
5. Stay healthy
6. Make you!

So, in light of that first one....


Today's photo is Daddy and Uncle Eric building pin hole cameras from kits. i got Daddy his kit for his birthday... Uncle Keith helped me pick it out.... and uncle Eric was so excited that he went out and got his own.  They plan on taking all sorts of photos and playing aroundwith light and shutter speed etc.